dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
