Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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