long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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