just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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