so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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