the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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