Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
