New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
