So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
