Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
