Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
