My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
