actually, I'm a sock model
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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