dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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