once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
