at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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