You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
