Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
