Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got inside last night via doggy door
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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