maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
then he tried to convert me to islam
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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