I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
