Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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