are you so shy because you have an std?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
