are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
