we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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