Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
