Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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