I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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