New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
