I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
