Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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