its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
