you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
