y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize