A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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