hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize