got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
