his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
