i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
