i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
