this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
