Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
