hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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