so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
