is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
A bitchslap is in order.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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