She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
