So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
