my phone cant type all the emotion im having
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
