I just saw a hot homeless man
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
