They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
