piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
