my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
