So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
