Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
