I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
