So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
