Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
