I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
