that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
