the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
