She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
