Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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