I cut my penus on the lid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
