I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
