What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
