his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
