this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
