3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
