I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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