Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
