I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
