She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the gays at disneyland are vicious
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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