nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
